lost in the faces?...not even close

This morning I had somewhat of an epiphany. For the past few weeks my soul has been troubled and so I have found no peace in the Lord. I felt that He was distancing Himself to teach me a lesson. This could have very much been the case, however, I feel that I did go after the Lord to see where He might have gone. Now, this is all figurative language of course because I know that He is omnipresent. On the other hand, due to our emotions and current circumstance, I feel that His presence is not so obvious to us.

This morning I was really at my wits end. I had bits and pieces of peaceful moments throughout the week, but it was always fleeting. It was if God was saying, "Hey Jeff, you know I am here, but I am not going to lead you by the hand like a little child. It is time to grow up a little and do some seeking of yourself." I was journaling my prayers as I often do right after I wake up. The first part of the prayer was to simply ask God to bring my heart to the point of desire for His presence. I proceeded in the next few lines to tell Him about how my life has sucked recently when it hit me. I knew this whole time where God was.

Jesus Christ went through the torment of crucifixion to pay for our sins. Right? Okay, but the journey to the cross is what makes Him our compassionate friend, our sympathizer, if you will. Whatever amount of ridicule or coldness I experience from others, it cannot compare to the loneliness that Christ experienced. Not only did He get this from His people, but His own Father turned His face away as well. Realizing this illuminated my attitude as one of complete selfishness. Who am I to think that I am the only one who has suffered in such a way? The God that I thought had withdrawn was actually beside me helping me carry my burden and I was too absorbed with myself that I wouldn't turn my head to the right to see His arms carrying me.

Pain, loneliness, suffering, and many other bad things on this earth are truly hard to handle. Emotion is real and we cannot deny how we feel. However, if those emotions cloud the reality that Christ said He would never leave us nor forsake us, then we will miss the point of suffering entirely. You can be told this over and over again, but I believe that one must realize it wholly for himself. There can be no true application until we grasp this reality with our hearts. It seems like we would be entitled to be selfish in times of trial, but God has made no excuses for self-centeredness anywhere in His Word. So, we must conclude that our lives are meant to be shared with Him, and, thankfully, other people as well. However, Christ is the only one who can sympathize completely with what we are facing. Not sure why, but after twenty years I still lose sight of the hope that I have found in Christ.