Rediculous

Kudos to my friend Josh Butler for posting this on his Facebook. I credit him with bringing this to my attention. I don't know who wrote it but please enjoy:

Hello. My name is Professor Irwin Glands.

I am a doctor of mytho-zoology, and today I'd like to talk to you about some less common mythical creatures. Little bit about myself: I have several advanced degrees and have written a number of books on the topics of legends, folklore, mythology -- specifically with respect to animals. Most of you have probably heard of certain imaginary creatures like the dragon or the unicorn. I want to talk about some that you may not be so familiar with.

I'd like to start with a creature from the sea, the Vertimaid. Much like a mermaid, it's half-woman, half-fish, but unlike the mermaid, the Vertimaid is split down the middle, which makes it a little less attractive than a typical mermaid, and also creates certain physical problems.

Next up is the Amoebicorn. This is like an amoeba, but it has a very small horn attached to it. This animal, uh... very imaginary, because it's very small, and to imagine a horn that small is very difficult. And it's, uh, very magical.

A very beautiful mythical creature is called the Zebratard, and this animal is one-half pig, one-half eagle, one-half zebra, making it, uh, an improper fraction so that's three-halves of a creature -- that's one and a half mythical creatures, and it's surprisingly graceful and very rare.

An imaginary creature that has confused experts for centuries is the Paradoxotaur. This creature only exists if you don't believe it exists, but if you do believe it exists, then it does not exist. Experts have made guesses as to the appearance of the Paradoxotaur -- what form it might take -- but really it's anybody's guess.

Finally, I'd like to talk about the most controversial mythical creature of all and that is the RexFidoBuster, which is a three-headed dog that also has three dog bodies. This has stirred up a bit of contention in the mytho-zoological field because some experts contend that this is simply three dogs standing near each other.

Well, I've gotta get back to work, but I hope this was informative and... helpful.

Impervious?

Time and time again I have heard the phrase “I believe in God”. Sometimes the person is impassioned enough to throw in the double-deity and say they love Jesus and God. This makes me laugh because the Spirit has been left at the back door. Anywho, I am really getting sick of those people around me that claim the title of Christian but then treat it as an overcoat. When the weather gets cold and rainy, it’s time to become a Christian, but when things are good and an opportunity arises for a smashing time with lady debauchery, the wardrobe seems a more fitting place for the religious garb.

So often people get their knickers in a bunch when a pastor is harsh towards other Christians. Sometimes it can be taken too far, but other times we just didn't like to hear that we were wrong. We can make excuses all day about how "we are still maturing" and how "it's a process so get off our back", but when it is all boiled down, there are things Christians just don’t do. Sure, we do them, but in following the example of Christ, we are to NOT DO THEM. One can whine about why they keep looking at porn for hours on end, but if they fail to realize that a Christian doesn’t take part in that kind of trash, then they are simply and subtly making up a faith that excuses such behavior. We aren’t Christians as some sort of communal attempt to be like one another. We are Christians because we are attempting to be like Christ, and in Him, consequently, we find that there exists unity. If I am not exemplifying Christ, I had better be called out and not nicely suggested that I not do this or that. I believe it is my right to demand that I be held accountable to the likeness of Christ. On the other hand, I will do the same to others who profess the name of Jesus.

I would rather dine with a dedicated Muslim and listen to his sincere and intentional regard for the mandates of his faith than spend one hour in the company of a professing Christian who thinks that there remains a part of his life in which being Christlike is optional. At least the Muslim is not saying one thing and doing another. To me, a true hypocrite is someone who says one thing, does another, and doesn’t care that his life is a complete contradiction. Someone who professes one thing, does another, and weeps at his transgression is a sinner saved by grace and I shall tip my hat to his heart until the day I die. Sure, I fall flat on my face time and time again. However, I am not content when I stumble. I want nothing more than to get back up and do it right the very next time. When I sin, I am acting contrary to the way that Christians are to act. Christ didn’t say that as a part following Him that transgression is acceptable. We are to be perfect as our Heavenly Father is perfect. That's right, the measuring stick is perfection. Jiminy Christmas.

His love heals us when we fall. His love healed us after the fall. His love will not heal when we refuse to believe that we have fallen. The message of love is offered to the lost and is only seen as lovely when the seriousness of sin is realized. Love, in its purest form, cannot be seen as weather dependent. To treat love as conditional is to not really know it. I cannot hang up love when I feel it inconvenient and expect to be protected when the rains come. It just doesn't work like that. It just doesn't work.