Rediculous
Kudos to my friend Josh Butler for posting this on his Facebook. I credit him with bringing this to my attention. I don't know who wrote it but please enjoy:
Hello. My name is Professor Irwin Glands.
I am a doctor of mytho-zoology, and today I'd like to talk to you about some less common mythical creatures. Little bit about myself: I have several advanced degrees and have written a number of books on the topics of legends, folklore, mythology -- specifically with respect to animals. Most of you have probably heard of certain imaginary creatures like the dragon or the unicorn. I want to talk about some that you may not be so familiar with.
I'd like to start with a creature from the sea, the Vertimaid. Much like a mermaid, it's half-woman, half-fish, but unlike the mermaid, the Vertimaid is split down the middle, which makes it a little less attractive than a typical mermaid, and also creates certain physical problems.
Next up is the Amoebicorn. This is like an amoeba, but it has a very small horn attached to it. This animal, uh... very imaginary, because it's very small, and to imagine a horn that small is very difficult. And it's, uh, very magical.
A very beautiful mythical creature is called the Zebratard, and this animal is one-half pig, one-half eagle, one-half zebra, making it, uh, an improper fraction so that's three-halves of a creature -- that's one and a half mythical creatures, and it's surprisingly graceful and very rare.
An imaginary creature that has confused experts for centuries is the Paradoxotaur. This creature only exists if you don't believe it exists, but if you do believe it exists, then it does not exist. Experts have made guesses as to the appearance of the Paradoxotaur -- what form it might take -- but really it's anybody's guess.
Finally, I'd like to talk about the most controversial mythical creature of all and that is the RexFidoBuster, which is a three-headed dog that also has three dog bodies. This has stirred up a bit of contention in the mytho-zoological field because some experts contend that this is simply three dogs standing near each other.
Well, I've gotta get back to work, but I hope this was informative and... helpful.
Hello. My name is Professor Irwin Glands.
I am a doctor of mytho-zoology, and today I'd like to talk to you about some less common mythical creatures. Little bit about myself: I have several advanced degrees and have written a number of books on the topics of legends, folklore, mythology -- specifically with respect to animals. Most of you have probably heard of certain imaginary creatures like the dragon or the unicorn. I want to talk about some that you may not be so familiar with.
I'd like to start with a creature from the sea, the Vertimaid. Much like a mermaid, it's half-woman, half-fish, but unlike the mermaid, the Vertimaid is split down the middle, which makes it a little less attractive than a typical mermaid, and also creates certain physical problems.
Next up is the Amoebicorn. This is like an amoeba, but it has a very small horn attached to it. This animal, uh... very imaginary, because it's very small, and to imagine a horn that small is very difficult. And it's, uh, very magical.
A very beautiful mythical creature is called the Zebratard, and this animal is one-half pig, one-half eagle, one-half zebra, making it, uh, an improper fraction so that's three-halves of a creature -- that's one and a half mythical creatures, and it's surprisingly graceful and very rare.
An imaginary creature that has confused experts for centuries is the Paradoxotaur. This creature only exists if you don't believe it exists, but if you do believe it exists, then it does not exist. Experts have made guesses as to the appearance of the Paradoxotaur -- what form it might take -- but really it's anybody's guess.
Finally, I'd like to talk about the most controversial mythical creature of all and that is the RexFidoBuster, which is a three-headed dog that also has three dog bodies. This has stirred up a bit of contention in the mytho-zoological field because some experts contend that this is simply three dogs standing near each other.
Well, I've gotta get back to work, but I hope this was informative and... helpful.
posted by jitzig at 6:33 AM
1 Comments:
That's from Demetri Martin's special "Person"
On Comedy Central.
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