O how I hate

A walk down the street screams truth louder than I can bear. A simple beggar is asking for a few cents for bus fare. An unwashed and ragged youth devours a meal given second hand. A boisterous and irritating woman speaks of incoherent nothings on her personal telephone. A flock of disrespectful and throwaway children spew vulgar speech without regard for all others.

I am walking amidst this pathetic composition. I slaughter their humanity with thoughts of disgust and contempt. I am the standard and all others are falling short by their mere existence. Anger sleeps within me as an unbeknownst bedfellow. It only takes a weakened body and a wearied soul to awaken such atrocity. The love I claim proved to be estranged and insolent. I almost weep at the realization.

My judging heart takes consideration for nothing but the present. The past that so savagely molds our soul I cannot sever from the currently visible. The miracle lies not in beautiful complexion or healthy teeth, but in the simple fact that life continues to move forward - in the fact that any good or any beauty remains to this very day - in the fact that the capacity to love and the essence of humanity abides in any form whatsoever.

In sharing a common thread of humanity with billions of others, I seek the most basic of relationship. In denying that basic of relationship, I begin to lose what it is that makes my life beautiful. The hatred I can exhibit surely stems from pain as well as intrinsic brokenness; however, this hatred will slowly isolate pieces of my existence.

These pieces are not simply particles of undefinable matter, but are actually persons with eyes and fingers and souls. When I fail to love another individual it is my own being that tears. No matter my attempts to slander and debase, the infinite God continues to impartially love this essence called humanity made manifest in every living person. It is this infinite love that gives us infinite worth. It is this infinite love that brings infinite unity.

I am unique in my personality, but not in my substance. When I despise another, I despise not only that personality but the core that frames it. I have that same frame. I am built with nothing more and nothing less. If I am impartially loved due to my origin, and all others share that origin, then my love not only opens my eyes to who I truly am, but who the beggar or the whore truly is as well.

I am a wanderer in a darkened world. I am a worn soul in need of a helper. I am a fragile sojourner held only by the grace of God. I am a human being and I am a vagabond. I am a human being and I am a prostitute to my idols. I am a human being and I am a throwaway. Through all of this, I am loved and I must love. For what I am is all can ever be until I finally see face to face.