The Pursuit of Wysdom

These past few days I have been contemplating a great deal of what the future holds for me. I truly have thousands of decisions to make and I am getting a little overwhelmed. However, I think I have boiled most of my decisions down to a common denominator; the pursuit of wisdom.

I could do this or I could do that. I could go here or I could go there. I could meet them or I could spend time with that individual. When I don't take the time to give it to my Lord, I find myself trying to reason out my own future. Speaking with a friend the other night, we both realized that the overarching trend in our thinking is that "if we have enough time, then we will figure it out".

However, this never works. At the end of an hour-long brainstorm I find myself not only exhausted and worried, but in no better shape than when I started. I finally end my time with the very thing I should have started with: giving the situation to the Lord.

Reflecting on this pattern of my thought process brings me to the conviction that I do not want to have control of my life. My actions and my sinful nature try to tell me otherwise, but I truly know and believe that control over my own life just leads to control over a stressful and sinful life. I don't really want my blood on my own hands.

I want to give it all. I want to be completely surrendered to the will of God. I want to pursue His wisdom and be firmly planted wherever that leads me. I want to be at peace with whatever His will is. I want to know when to act and when to be patient. I want to know when to speak and when to be silent. I want to grow in wisdom and be thankful for whatever amount is bestowed upon me based on my experience and maturity.

There is no safer place than in the will of God. A wise man seeks this safety and retracts his hands from the wheel. Unfortunately, I've grown pretty comfortable with where my hands are at.