Filled with the Spirit. Filled with Confusion.

I find it quite incredible that I can be so confused about a particular aspect of my God. Rather, I find it quite incredible that I am so confused with regards to God Himself; more specifically, the Holy Spirit. There seem to be opinions coming at me from the left and right yet none of them has clarified this mystical person of the Trinity enough to where I feel I could effectively teach others about Him.

First and foremost, I need to be completely convinced that the Holy Spirit is indeed God. He cannot be anything less than God the Father or God the Son. He is not a great concept that God the Father thought up and God the Son helped bring about. The Spirit is in equal status and power with the other two persons of the Trinity. Acts 5 clearly equates lying to the Spirit as lying to God. I must realize that He is as much a part of the Trinitarian deity as Jesus Christ and God the Father. Only when I grasp this, which I am becoming more firm in doing, can I begin to tackle some of the other issues.

Prayer. I can pray to the Spirit. I don't have to only pray "in the spirit", but I can pray to Him. If He is God, I can pray to Him. This may seem simple, but how many of us have been taught that this is okay? The issues was avoided and so I, along with others I presume, have grown to have a grim picture of how the Spirit and prayer are intertwined. I am becoming increasingly convinced of my necessity to pray to the Spirit simply for the ability to pray. Focus, intelligent interaction, and proper addressment of God are all needed for quality prayer. The Spirit's role is to inspire us, to lead us, and to make us eloquent as we seek to unify our hearts with Christ. Once again, if He is God, I am going to pray to Him and be fully convinced of the necessity to do so.

Spiritual Gifts. We could go on for days arguing this, but since I am writing, I will only write a little. I believe in the spiritual gifts. I believe that they all exist today as they have in the past. I think to diminish the gifts is to diminish the power of God. However, I think the spiritual gifts to be non-normative. I believe that as the church body grows in its knowledge of the Word, the natural tendency of the Lord to manifest Himself in such ways becomes less and less necessary. I believe this accounts for the stories we hear of visions and dreams across the globe. I do not discredit these dreams in most cases. However, I do not think that these gifts are to be sought for as the ultimate goal of the believer. He has, in fact, given us His complete Word. The Bible is the most valuable manifestation of God that we still have today. To seek a word from the Lord over the Word of the Lord is ignorant.

I believe that if we are truly seeking the Lord through His written Word, then it is not wrong to ask the Lord to reveal Himself through dreams, visions, or whatever else. However, if our faith falls on the fact that we didn't hear God tell us to do it, then we are missing the entire point of Scripture. He has already told us! We must realize that those words are actually His Words. I think that much of the confusion over spiritual gifts is really a confusion of what Scripture is. We think that if God tells us something directly, then we will be more likely to do something. Well, we had Christ and we killed Him. We do have God's direct word in His Word.

I could go on about how complex our God is, but I am tired. I am a meager human being. When push comes to shove, I am glad I haven't figured out God. If I could, I would soon realize that He wasn't worth the pursuit in the first place. The fact that He is so mystical makes Him worth seeking. I need to take comfort in my finite-ness and His overwhelming love for me despite that fact.

God be praised.

The Stoning of Stephen

I was standing there in front of all these men, the council as they are called, and I had just finished my story. I was accused of wrongdoing but have never spoken anything apart from the teachings of the apostles. My heart had been poured out completely. The fathers of old never lost sight of their purpose, however, I was beginning to understand what it must have been to experience the anxiety of their incredible situations. I told these men nothing they had not already known about the saints of the past. It was not until I called them murderers that they really began to get heated. But, is that not what they did: murder?

I have never seen such hatred. All around me were eyes that seemed to pierce my soul. However, it was as if the hatred could only go "this far and no further"...reminds me of the mighty command to the oceans described to Saint Job. An inexplicable boldness and confidence reigned in my inmost being.

The shouting continued...deafening were their screams. I can only compare the intensity to what I imagine the torment of hell to be...murderous screeching of the most horrible and putrifying kind. They yelled for my life, those countless who wanted to take it. O but a taste of the burden Christ bore. I, a mere man, sinful yet saved by the blood of the God-Man, almost collapsed in fear. What more the sinless and innocent Son of Man must have felt.

I could take it no longer. My soul was going to leave its earthly vessel due to purely emotional anguish. I was going to give in. Then, it happened. Words can hardly capture. I can only compare to the coolness of spring this wind that enveloped me. Not just any breeze I felt. No, every limb, every corner of my body was strengthened. Even greater than this, my soul was refreshed and I realized like never before what power dwelt within me.

Only stories of this shaking wind had accurately conveyed to me this Comforter. Yet, today I experienced like never before that which I knew had always been. My eyes could no longer look at the faces of men for they were being drawn upward. It was not so much that I could not resist, but that the most natural reaction was to lift my head. No other reaction would have made sense.

What could this be? No longer did I see an enclosed building but the opening to the Glory of Glories! "I should not be seeing this," I thought. Nothing could draw me away. This is where I belonged. Home was up. Rest awaited me there. Then I saw...Him. I saw Him!! The King, the Lamb, the Mighty Warrior, He was not sitting as He said He would be until we joined Him. No, HE STOOD!

What did I ever do to deserve this? That's right, I deserved not one ounce of acknowledgement let alone recognition and honor. My mouth could only speak of what I saw. No other subject warranted my words. My eyes were only broken of this divine sight by the multitude of men who were casting me out of the court. My body was no longer mine. I was completely at the mercy of humanity; if they were capable of any in the first place.

My eyes went from gazing glory to staring at the dust. I knew that I would soon return to that from which I had been formed. And so it began.

The first stone hit my body with such force that I knew I would never walk again if I lived. The searing pain raged through my leg like an unquenchable fire. I tried to gather my breath but was met with two more stones to my chest. Blood spewed from my mouth and nose. Gasping only brought panic to my mind. There was no time to think. What could I say? I was not going to exist much longer. I cried out to my only Refuge; pleading with the Lord to take me.

Stone after stone. How long could a man survive so much trauma? My gaze began to blur as I laid in a grave of mud soaked in my own blood. The pain seemed to multiply with each blow and then be multiplied once again as if there was no limit to my torment.

"Is this justice," I thought, "This is blessed in His sight? What could be further from joy?" My mind wrestled with my heart. It was here in my heart that I found the answer. It is was not the strength of my person amidst torture that brought glory to God but the endurance and trust within my soul that brought a smile to the face of the King. Sure, it was a smile soaked in tears, but a smile nonetheless.

My heart would not give in and curse these men. I was given an opportunity to proclaim Christ's victory over death or to curse His creation and give the Evil One satisfaction in his wickedness. From the depths of my being I prayed earnestly for one last chance. I only needed one more sentence. That mighty wind surged one more time. My heart was on my lips while poison dripped from everyone else's. "LORD, DO NOT HOLD THIS SIN AGAINST THEM!"

That was the end. I slipped into silence only to instantly awaken. I was home.

It's not like you would think. It's not like I now live in gratitude that I no longer hurt. No, to think like that would be to think on earthly terms. Rather, my mind has been elevated. I have entered into a fullness that I never knew existed. All that was good on earth does not compare with this goodness. What I said was awesome on earth is by no means awesome in comparison with this place.

I have been lifted up. To dwell on anything of the past is to diminish the present. I am simply at rest. No other activity would be logical. Better put, not resting in my activity would be a poor excuse for activity in the first place. No, I have been elevated. What I once saw from below I now see from on high. This is not just a taste. This is the fullness of all things good.

Life as I know it

Well, it's almost lunchtime here in Chicago at the Moody Bible Institute and I don't feel like writing something real deep. So, I will just write a but of quirkiness that have indulged in over the past few weeks.

#1 I am taking a class through the distance learning program here at Moody even though I live on campus. I had to read a biography on a missionary for this class and so I read a book about Maralyn Lazlo and her incredible ministry in Papua New Guinea. I finished the book both excited at the story as well as my successful completion of the book. I double checked the syllabus to see what I had to write about in response to the book. I found that I was supposed to read a book on a dead missionary. Oops

So I got a second book on Bill Borden. I read about half the book (which was amazing) and realized that this guy hardly went overseas. I am not taking away from his ministry here in the states, but the second criteria for this book report was that the missionary had to go overseas. Crap. 2nd book is a no go.

I just finished a third book that fully meets the requirements. Huzzah! I am surprisingly not upset that I read the other books because I learned a lot.

#2 I am currently listening to the band Eisley which has become one of my favorites since summer '06. I had an illegal copy of their cd and got rid of it. I recently bought the legit copy and have been basking in the beauty of its melody.

Along with this cd, I bought a new VHS copy of the buttercream gang. I had watched this movie about 100 times as a young lad until it broke. So, I went on amazon and purchased a $.35 copy of this mormon-made movie and watched it with my buddy landon. This was definitely a highlight of my semester.

Concluding my online shopping stories is a tale of complete randomness. I was in the library reading and a song from the blue merle shuffled from my ipod into my ears. I decided to buy the whole album at that point. I found it on amazon for $3. It was autographed as well. My next thought was, "Gee, I don't have enough rap" So, I bought nelly's cd entitled sweat for $1. I need to quit doing that kind of stuff. However. I have spent less than $20 in the past two weeks on this type of stuff so I am still in control.

#3 The last story I shall tell is from last night. We had a late night breakfast in the dining room here at the moodster and my friends and I were like 20th in line. The doors opened and we went into the servery. I must have lost my mind because I turned a corner, got lost momentarily, gathered my bearings, and stepped into the line. In a matter of ten seconds, I was stuck so far back in line that it took 40 minutes for me to get my custom-made omlet. The better question is why there was only one guy making those omlets.

I finally got my food and wanted some chocolate milk. I apparently haven't made chocolate milk in years because I actually put so much chocolate in the milk that the chocolate absorbed the milk. I was left with a cup of syrup. I used this concentrated glop to make roughly 36 oz of regular chocolate milk. Makes me wonder if I went a little loopy in the omlet line.

Anyway, school is almost over. I have two more finals and then I move into a condo up north a bit so I can stay here and work for a few weeks. Then, it is off to Miracle Camp - the camp of kings so to speak. I am p-umped to the dizzle. Alright my brain is fried. You may be able to tell by my horrible grammar and/or spelling.


PS - this picture is of my boys and I on culby 3

Quotable

"Say 'No' to self, 'Yes' to Jesus every time. A steep road - hard work? But every man on this road has One who walks with him in lock-step; His presence overtops everything that has been cut out...

In every man's heart there is a throne and a cross. If Christ is on the throne, self is on the cross; and if self, even a little bit, is on the throne, Jesus is on the cross in that man's heart...

If Jesus is on the throne, you will go where He wants you to go. Jesus on the throne glorifies any work or spot...

If you are thirsty, and He is enthroned, drink. Drinking, the simplest act there is, means taking. 'He that believeth on Me, out of him shall flow rivers of living water. This spake He of the Spirit.'

To 'believe' is to know, because of His word. How shall I know that I have power to meet temptation, to witness for Him? Believe His word: It will come.

Lord Jesus, I take hands off, as far as my life is concerned. I put Thee on the throne in my heart. Change, cleanse, use me as Thou shalt choose. I take the full power of Thy Holy Spirit. I thank Thee.

I may never know a tithe of the result until Morning."

Bill Borden - Early 1900's