I want to go...finally

Ahhhhh! I have gotten there. So many years it has taken. So many kicks in the ole behind it has required. I finally have been brought to the point where I am willing to go. My heart is ready to go wherever. From this point on, I can only move forward. There will be times when I will second guess, but the fact that I am so absolutely ready makes the road marker permanent. I am ready to go into missions.

My heart has resisted so many times. All of these reasons are selfish. Money, safety, inconvenience; these all factor into my reasons for resisting the heart for missions. However, if I desire to serve only my God, then these feelings need to go. These points in the Christian walk are what truly advance our ability to grow. When we are seeking to honor the Lord in everything, we find that letting go is often a necessity. It is somewhat funny that since I have let go, I have never felt so peaceful. I don't think this is an accident. This is God's promises coming to fruition.

I am not saying that I know that I am going to go overseas for good. However, my heart is fully willing and ready to go if the call is there. Coming back from China has changed my worldview drastically. How beautifully hard this change has been.

Here were my reservations. I so desire to have a wife and children. My heart is for China. I believe that if I am called, I will go to China. China is not exactly safe for Christians, at least not in the places where I desire to go if called. Could I really come to terms with bringing my family into a dangerous situation? Another thing, I know neither Cantonese or Mandarin. I would have to be educated. Yet another problem, my own vision for my future would be drastically thwarted if I went into full-time missions.

Here are the reasons why these reservations cannot stop me. Number one, being a full-time missionary doesn't mean I cannot have a family. Number two, how the heck would I inherently know Chinese. This reservation is motivated by laziness. Number three and most importantly, God is the One who will work it out. I have to do nothing besides seek Him. If I am to go, I will go. If I am to have a family, I will have a family. If I need to learn the language, God will provide. If God wants me to be safe, He will protect me. If God wants me to give my life over there, He will take it. I have no claim on my own life. I have willingly given it to Him in the first place.

I don't know if I will be called. I do know that if I am, I will go. I don't know if I will have a family. If God blesses me in such a way, well then, I'll take it. The people of China have a passion to preach the Word. The people of China are searching for the Word. They are hungry. If I have to sacrifice my life so that I may see more saints come into the Kingdom, then I will do so. What a beautiful position to be in. I fully rely on God to make it clear. Whatever direction that is, whether it be here in the states or across the ocean, I will be in the Lord's arms. I am not scared anymore. I have one purpose. I must glorify my God with my entire being.

Amen